Meghan Riordan Jarvis
“Grief is inevitable and natural. It’s important that you educate yourself about it, for yourself and others. Listen to podcasts, read books, have a conversation with a therapist. Let’s talk about what grieving is, so we can all get better at it."
Trauma therapist Meghan Riordan Jarvis ’92 has counseled others through some of life’s toughest challenges. When her parents both died within two years of each other, she was trained in how to address the overwhelming loss she felt. But personally, she was in uncharted territory. “The brain holds traumatic memories that it has to make sense of in loss,” Jarvis says. “For months after her death, I couldn’t even say the phrase ‘My mom died.’
”She found solace in writing down the words that often woke her in the middle of the night, posting her thoughts on social media.“I had been experiencing all of this sorrow,” Jarvis says. “Writing helped me understand my feelings.” Trained in narrative therapy, Jarvis knew the writing process could help others who were grieving, last year (during a pandemic-inspired road trip across the U.S. with her husband and three children) Jarvis launched Grief Mates, a free, virtual, four-week writing workshop that uses therapeutic writing prompts to explore grief. “Grief Mates is a marriage of things I’ve found helpful about expressing emotions and knowing the tasks and actions you need to do when you grieve,” Jarvis says.“ Grieving is a way energy moves through your body. The writing prompts encourage you to get into that energy and move it along.” Jarvis addressed loss in her first prep writing assignment at Exeter. Her paper about her grandfather’s funeral and her family’s Irish heritage was praised by faculty as an exemplary piece of writing. “I wasn’t trying to be clever,” Jarvis says. “I had just come [to school] from burying my grandfather.” Interested in working with children, she received bachelor’s and master’s degrees in child study and developmental education from Tufts University. A positive experience with therapy inspired her to switch careers and pursue a master’s degree in social work from Catholic University. She worked in diverse settings, from emergency rooms and homeless shelters to schools and clinics, before opening her Washington, D.C.-based practice in 2004.
Jarvis’ grief work has reconnected her to Exeter. Last year, she started a podcast called “Grief Is My Side Hustle,” interviewing experts in palliative care and loss as well as ordinary people discussing their personal experiences with grief. Since she posted a call for guests on an Exeter alumni Listserv, a number of Exonians have joined Jarvis on her podcast, including friend Lindsey Mead Russell ’92 and tech CEO Helkin Berg ’99, who opened up about the isolation of being a female leader in the tech industry. Another alumna, Carolyn Murnick ’96, is editing Jarvis’ memoir, "Chasing Dark Skies," due for release in 2023.
Now, as the country copes with two years of pandemic-related losses, Jarvis is trying to address a burgeoning crisis and speaking to companies and organizations about becoming grief educated. “As the world returns to normal after the pandemic,” she says, “that’s when emotions come up. If you haven’t processed your own grief, it affects others around you.”Her most important advice: “Grief is inevitable and natural. It’s important that you educate yourself about it, for yourself and others. Listen to podcasts, read books, have a conversation with a therapist. Let’s talk about what grieving is, so we can all get better at it.
— Debbie Kane
Editor's note: This article first appeared in the winter 2022 issue of The Exeter Bulletin.
