You have your charming personality, your brilliant mind and your boundless curiosity. But did you remember to pack your shower shoes? 

As summer break winds down and Move-In Day nears, we’ve compiled a packing list to ensure the “boarding” part of your boarding-school experience is a hit. 

Electric fans: Until New Hampshire gets really cold, New Hampshire can be really hot. Exeter’s dorms are hallowed but they don’t have air conditioning.

Bedding: Each boarder is issued sheets, pillow cases and towels, and woolen blankets and pillows are available on request. Your own pillow, a mattress pad and a cozy comforter or quilt can make a big difference in a good night’s sleep.

Chargers: Bring two for every device: One for the room, one for the backpack.

Eye mask and ear plugs: Roommates won’t always be in sync, so well-positioned masks and ear plugs can keep the peace.

Shower shoes and caddy: Every good day starts with a well-organized bathing experience.

Alarm clock: Smart for when the smartphone dies.

Clothes hangers: Hang ’em up and beat wrinkles.

Under-the-bed storage bins: A safer, more practical use for milk crates.

Area rug: Just be sure not to block the door.

Air freshener: Laundry pick-up is only once a week.

Raincoats and rain boots: Exeter gets 48 inches of rain a year, on average (that’s not counting the 55 inches of snow annually).

Bike lock and helmet: Secure your bike, secure your brain. New Hampshire state law requires those under the age of 16 to wear a bicycle helmet while riding on a public way.

And here are some things to leave home (because they’re not allowed):

• Upholstered furniture
• Monitors or TV screens larger than 32 inches
• Refrigerators
• Microwaves
• Portable space heaters and all heat-producing items, including flat irons, coffee pots, corn poppers, hot plates, toasters and halogen lamps
• Candles and incense

Consult the E-Book for a full list of banned items.

Talking with Gloria Steinem at a gala event in October 2019 for the Women’s Media Center, which she co-founded with Jane Fonda, I was struck by her grace and strength, her humility and curiosity, her openness and respect for everyone, her deep listening and commitment to firm action.

I felt I could ask her a personal question: What is my role, as a man, in the women’s movement? Rather than political, her answer was personal. “More and more men are finding strength in relationships. It’s about their consciousness,” she said. “A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men. There are many men who are strong feminists and humanitarians.”

As we were talking, I realized Steinem would be an excellent Harkness instructor at Exeter. When I entered Exeter in my prep year, I was being raised by my great-grandmother, my grandmother and my mother. They taught me how to value women equally in all ways; to listen, act and let go of a false sense of male ego. 

More recently, I asked: How can fathers, husbands, sons and brothers further elevate the women’s movement? “Men become whole people by being active inside the home,” Steinem said. She believes the pandemic’s home quarantine has positively influenced men’s roles in society. “It has been difficult for women, who bear the brunt of caregiving and work in the home. This has awakened many men to the importance and joy of sharing those responsibilities equally.” 

All parents can prepare their children for this equality movement. “They can lead by example by working against the false dichotomy of masculinity and femininity,” Steinem said. “Femininity is associated with nurturing, caregiving, passivity, the emotional body, while masculinity is associated with ambition, assertiveness, the thinking mind. In reality, each of us is a unique mixture of all these things. It is up to both men and women to integrate all these traits fully. When they do, they become their true selves, and that is a lesson for every child watching them.”

Gloria Steinem inspires me as a feminist male. But she is also inspired by all of us. Her parting thought to me was, “I won’t be around 50 years from now, but I have faith in you who will be.” 

As a combat commander during two tours in Iraq, Zach Iscol ’97 fought with and led American Marines in battle. As a private citizen since his return, Iscol has continued to fight for former American servicemen and women at home.

Iscol launched the Headstrong Project, a nonprofit that provides free health care to a thousand veterans monthly in 35 cities across the United States. He also founded Hirepurpose, a hiring platform for veterans and their spouses that provides career guidance and matches them with potential employers.

“I think no matter what leadership role you’re in, if you take care of your people, you give them the resources that they need, you know that you’re looking out for their welfare, they will go and accomplish that mission,” Iscol said.

Iscol, awarded the John and Elizabeth Phillips Award in 2017, was back on campus this week to headline “Exeter Salutes,” the Academy’s annual Veterans Day celebration of Exonians who exemplify non sibi through military service. In a conversation Tuesday evening with Jack Herney ’46, ’69, ’71, ’74, ’92, ’95 (Hon.), emeritus chair of the History Department, he recounted how he found his way from Exeter to the Marines and eventually to the streets of Fallujah, where he commanded a platoon throughout the bloodiest battle of the Iraq War. Iscol also shared how his military experiences have shaped his life since those harrowing times and he lamented how the nation’s political and military leadership have failed to adapt their approach to warfare in the 21^st century with tragic results.

“If you look at the military today … it’s not that different than it was 20 years ago,” he said. “And I think that begs the question as to how have we not evolved? How have we not met the challenges of today by adapting the military to the requirements that we have?”

Exeter welcomed alumni who have served or are currently serving in the military to campus Nov. 4-5 for “Exeter Salutes,” a collaborative celebration of their sacrifice and service. Representing not only their class but also their military branch, attendees shared actual war stories alongside Exeter memories and participated in Harkness classes — both with current students and then each other, led by emeriti faculty who also served.

Exeter has a rich history of military service. More than 500 current Exeter alumni have served or are serving in the U.S. armed forces. Scores more died in combat or in active service to the country. Twenty-two Exeter graduates since 2002 have gained appointment to a U.S. military academy; and 25 current employees of the Academy are veterans of one of the five service branches.

A poignant part of the “Exeter Salutes” programming took place in The Forum in the Elizabeth Phillips Academy Center, where a panel of veterans shared how their time at Exeter prepared them for their time in the military. Each individual experience in the service was vastly different — ranging from an army veteran of the Vietnam War who enlisted into the service because he felt it morally reprehensible to evade the draft, to a driven Marine veteran who had to reinvent himself after transition out of the service led to personal crisis. But each agreed that the rigor and challenges they faced at Exeter not only prepared them for the military, but made them better members of that community during their service.

“There were definitely multiple times in the Marine Corps where I wasn’t the smartest or strongest but … I was able to lead through example and drive and attitude,” said Greg Parsons ’90. “With passion, perseverance and grit, which I had honed here (at Exeter), there isn’t any obstacle you can’t overcome.”

Panelists made the connection between Harkness discussions and military debriefs; discussed how the diversity of Exeter was similar, albeit on a smaller scale, of the diversity found in the military; and related to each other the power of the sense of identity each community provided.

“The intensity of the experience cannot be replicated outside the community,” said John Wilcox ’60, underscoring it was a hard-fought experience in both.

In closing, the panelists agreed that recognizing Exonians who serve in the military is important to the larger understanding of the contributions Exeter alumni make. The U.S. armed forces are yet another global institution in which Exonians serve through their knowledge and goodness.

There were approximately 300,000 American combat deaths in World War II. Among them was Stephen Mason Crabtree, Exeter class of 1942. These tragedies are remembered with statues in town squares and on memorial walls across the country. Steve’s name appears in Exeter’s Assembly Hall, in Dunster House at Harvard, in Grace Episcopal Church in Newton, Massachusetts, and on an engraved brick outside the National World War II Museum in New Orleans. 

Each of the losses represents a unique human story, most of which, seven decades later, have passed into history. An epitaph at the Gettysburg Museum and Visitors Center perfectly captures the effects of these individual tragedies. Referring to the great number of deaths on both sides during the Civil War, it reads:

“Every name is a lightning stroke to some heart, and breaks like thunder over some home, and falls a long black shadow across some hearthstone.” 

Such was the strike inflicted on the Crabtree home in Newton Centre, Massachusetts, when news of the combat death of 20-year-old Stephen, the family’s youngest, arrived in April 1945.

Preserving the human story of Stephen Crabtree is the motivating factor in establishing the Stephen Mason Crabtree, Class of 1942, Financial Aid Fund at Phillips Exeter Academy. Hallmarks of his brief life were leadership, patriotism, duty, and quiet accomplishment, all traits that came to full bloom in his Exeter years.

The “Class History” section of the 1942 PEAN traces the changes in aspirations of students who’d entered the Academy in 1938, overlaid with events unfolding in Europe, where expectations of peaceful lives become radically altered in the course of the ensuing four years.

Amid World War II, Exeter students in the winter of 1942 were conducting blackout and building evacuation exercises. Courses in first aid and airplane trigonometry were offered. New students arriving from England reported the suffering and destruction in their homeland. Debate societies strongly disapproved of Hitler’s policies, reflecting the prevailing campus sentiment of the day.

Such was the environment from which Steve graduated, and which he found at Harvard, where he enrolled as a premed student. An honor student at Exeter, Steve achieved the same distinction at Harvard. Nonetheless, the war pulled deeply at his sense of patriotism, and he left college to enlist in the Army at Fort Devens, Massachusetts, in February 1943.

He chose to serve in the most basic manner — as an enlisted infantryman. It wasn’t a glamorous choice, and Steve would have had many easier and safer avenues available. He would not have been drafted because he suffered from poor vision, but he memorized eyesight examination tables in order to pass the exam. And as a premed student he could have exempted himself, as the country expected a shortage of physicians. But he persisted in a cause he believed was right.

Persistence is a trait Steve also displayed at Exeter. He was a gifted student, but the Academy challenged him. During his first visit home, his father asked him what he had learned. Steve said, “I learned how to work and I learned how to worry.”

As an upper, Steve applied to an advanced biology course being offered at Cornell that summer, but he was rejected on the grounds that the class was intended for advanced college students who had already excelled in higher-level biology courses. Steve appealed to his Exeter biology instructor, who, in turn, contacted Cornell and suggested that they reconsider Steve’s application, which they did. Steve completed the summer course and finished at the top of the class. Then, in a typical display of adventurism, he rode his bicycle from Ithaca, New York, to his home in Massachusetts.

Leadership and earning the confidence of his peers were also characteristics Steve evidenced at Exeter when, in 1939, he was elected to the school’s Senate, a position he had not sought, but in which he served. 

By all accounts, Army life agreed with Steve. He was first assigned to the 10th Mountain Division at Camp Hale, Colorado, then to the Army Specialized Training Program at the University of South Dakota, and, finally to I Company, 386th Infantry Regiment, 97th Infantry Division in 1944. Initially, the 97th was intended to be part of the invasion forces for Japan. Training was conducted along the beaches and seaside cliffs in southern California. However, due to the unexpected losses suffered in the Battle of the Bulge, the 97th was redirected and was deployed for Europe in February 1945.

Steve was one of 14,000 enlisted personnel in the division, and he became one of its 188 combat deaths on April 10, 1945.

Disembarking at Le Havre, France, in February 1945, the 97th traversed France and Belgium into Germany, through Aachen, and on to the Rhine, all war-torn areas. 

On April 3, he wrote his mother, “Dear Mom, I am in [Germany], and as I am in the Infantry you can imagine what I will be doing. Right now things are happening so fast that it is difficult to keep the correct mental perspective.” Cheerfully, on April 4 he wrote, “I am fit and well and think of you and home always. Send some chow!”

But later he wrote, “It isn’t until you get over here and start playing for keeps that you realize what they have done, and are still doing to you personally.” He refers angrily to “privation, pain, and suffering.”

Steve’s unit eventually came under enemy fire at Neuss, near Dusseldorf, Germany. They crossed the Rhine south of Bonn and made their way north to the Sieg river. Steve volunteered for hazardous night patrols across the Sieg, locating enemy positions.

I Company went on offense on April 10, crossing the Sieg river on small rubber boats and proceeding northwest with the goal of taking the city of Solingen. They were a part of the Ruhr Pocket, an operation in the Ruhr area intended to destroy the last of Germany’s industrial capacity.

I Company advanced northwest through up-sloping woods onto an open plain at Ober Hulschied, a small crossroads, when they hit a German strong point and were attacked. Twelve Americans were wounded and four were killed — including Steve.   

He was killed instantly by a shell burst from an 88-mm cannon. Frank Lazlo reported that both he and Steve hit the ground, almost side by side, at the same time. There was an explosion. Frank got up and Steve didn’t. Two other fellow soldiers, Paul Piccard and Jim Moore, saw Steve lying dead on the ground with a hole in his helmet. A few weeks later, the war in Europe was over.

At the time of his death, Steve was doing exactly what he wanted to be doing: playing a role in a just and important cause. By choice he was not a bystander, but neither was he ambitious for notoriety. A monument at the Antietam Battlefield is engraved, “Not for Themselves but for Their Country” — a definitive American creed that Steve carried into harm’s way in Germany in 1945.

The first in I Company to receive the Combat Infantryman Badge, Steve was awarded the Purple Heart posthumously. His battalion commander wrote that “his excellent traits of character set the example for all the men of his organization” and that “he was a man who wasn’t satisfied with the best; he wanted to do better.” His company commander wrote that “[Steve] was one of the best soldiers I commanded. He was very well liked by all his comrades and a natural leader.”

Stephen Mason Crabtree was born on August 30, 1924, in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, Dr. Harvard H. Crabtree, was a prominent urologist in Boston. Dr. Crabtree rose from humble beginnings in Hancock, Maine, to graduate summa cum laude from Harvard College and Harvard Medical School. He lamented that his years at Harvard were very difficult, as he lacked the preparation enjoyed by most of his classmates. Wishing a better collegiate experience for his own sons, he enrolled Harvard H. Crabtree Jr. (class of 1937) and Stephen at PEA.

Stephen Crabtree was my uncle, and Dr. Crabtree was my grandfather. Steve died before I was born. As a boy and young man, I spent many weeks and months living at my grandfather’s house at 1029 Beacon Street in Newton Centre. I learned much about my Uncle Steve from my grandfather during those times. I have seen the indelible grief such a loss inflicts on a family.

Later, I had several occasions to attend I Company reunions and to meet and visit with several men who served with Steve. To a person, they confirmed every one of Steve’s traits and characteristics that his father had conveyed to me years earlier. I visited the area and site of his death on two occasions. On the second visit, in 1995,  I was accompanied by David Robinson, a sergeant in I Company.  

Interviews during the 1990s with several of Steve’s Army colleagues consistently portray him as a regular guy, one of the team, even though the rest of the team didn’t have backgrounds of Exeter and Harvard. He fit in. He was liked, respected and trusted. Similarly, Steve enjoyed the camaraderie of enlisted life, as evidenced by him repeatedly declining offers to enroll in Officer Candidate School. He felt a loyalty to his peers.

Steve’s mother wrote to the Academy in May 1945: “We are increasingly grateful to you all at Exeter for giving Stephen his happiest years. The many interests and plans, fostered by association with friendly, understanding teachers and comrades, filled him with a zest for life and appreciation of solid worth wherever found.”

Archival material related to this narrative is maintained at PEA. Annually, on the anniversary of his death on April 10, the Academy will fly the American flag that accompanied Cpl. Crabtree’s remains as they were transferred home after the war.

Editor’s note: This article first appeared in the spring 2018 issue of The Exeter Bulletin.