2025 Graduation Remarks

Members of the Class of 2025: 

It is now my honor and privilege to deliver a farewell address. 

First, parents and families, thank you for giving your children the opportunity to receive an Exeter education. You have given them a great gift. Along the way, you have made many sacrifices. Thank you for entrusting your children to our care, for supporting them during their time here, and for being here today to celebrate all that they have accomplished. You have every reason to be happy and proud of these young adults who are about to become the newest members of our alumni community. 

One of my strongest memories from my own graduation was a brief conversation my father and I had with my lacrosse coach after the ceremony. Coach Seabrooke spoke about my contributions to the team and perhaps said something about my leadership. I don’t recall his exact words, but it meant a lot to me, and I think it meant a lot to my father who had never seen me play here. Parents, I hope you have enjoyed many similar conversations with teachers, coaches and other mentors over the last couple of days, and perhaps you will have more such opportunities during lunch after this ceremony. 

And now, to members of the Class of 2025, let me say first – congratulations. You have seized every opportunity presented to you during your time here, and you have met every challenge. You have thrived in your classes, clubs, athletics, the visual and performing arts, community service, leadership roles, and in many other ways. In short, you have succeeded at Phillips Exeter Academy. Because of what you have learned and how you have grown, you are ready for what lies ahead, in college and beyond. 

John and Elizabeth Phillips founded our school in 1781 because they believed youth was the critical period in a person’s development. They believed that if youth from every quarter were imbued with knowledge and goodness at this school, then they would go out and improve their communities and create a better world. We hold to that belief today. I believe that every one of you can and will find ways to make a positive difference in the world, on whatever scale you choose, and in whatever ways you choose. 

There is no doubt that we live in a world where there is a pressing need for more citizens and leaders who focus on bringing people together, seeing our common humanity, finding common ground, and building a better world for all to enjoy. We see this need on every level – locally, regionally, and globally. 

With that thought in mind, I would like to share three thoughts with you this morning that I believe will serve you well as you go forward in life. 

1. Non Sibi 

First, I hope you will always keep the words non sibi in your hearts and minds. These words were inscribed on our school seal in 1782 because they represent the very spirit and purpose of our school. Non sibi. Not for oneself. 

We are an independent school with a public purpose: to unite goodness and knowledge and inspire youth from every quarter to lead purposeful lives. 

We boldly proclaim that we seek to graduate students who are motivated by their concern for others and the world around them, and who understand that an Exeter education is an extraordinary gift to be used for the benefit of others as well as for oneself. We seek to graduate students who are motivated by this philosophy to confront the challenges of their day and who strive to make the world a better place not just for some, but for all. 

You have demonstrated a commitment to non sibi during your time here, in the many ways you have contributed to the life of our school, and in the many ways you have supported each other. You have understood that when we balance our needs with the needs of others – that is when we are our best selves. You are ready to carry this forward. 

Just as non sibi is the guiding spirit and ethos of our school, I hope non sibi will be a guiding principle for you in the years ahead and throughout your lives. 

2. Humility and Kindness 

Second, I hope you will stay humble and act always with kindness toward others. 

Wherever you find yourselves next year, people will expect you to be intelligent and capable. They will be watching to see if you are kind and have humility. 

One way to think about this is to understand that in life we tend to be known by our nouns, but we are appreciated and remembered for our adjectives. Our nouns are sometimes beyond our control. We don’t always get the job, promotion or award that we seek. But our adjectives are within our control. We can always be kind and humble. We can choose to persevere in the face of disappointment, and act with grace in moments of triumph. We can choose to be respectful toward others, and we can decide every day how we want to make others feel. In making these choices, we reveal our character. In making these choices, you will reveal your goodness. 

You will recall that at opening assembly I talked about seeking complex truths. Humility is critical here as well, as it opens the door to listening to others with curiosity, empathy and respect; to being open to different points of view; to being comfortable engaging across differences and to having courageous conversations about difficult subjects. I described these as Harkness skills, and as goodness and knowledge skills. These skills, while essential to your learning at Exeter, also will provide the foundation for everything you do and everything you will accomplish in life. 

Humility and kindness will make you more effective advocates for the kind of world you want to live in. 

3. Gratitude 

Lastly, I would like to offer a few words about gratitude. 

I hope you leave here today with feelings of joy in all that you have accomplished. I hope you feel pride in being part of a school where hard work is valued, where teachers and coaches challenge you to be your best, and where students delight in each other’s successes and accomplishments. I hope you feel prepared for what lies ahead, and confident that the bonds of friendship forged here will endure for your lifetimes. 

But on top of all that, I hope you leave today with a deep sense of gratitude. Gratitude for the education that you have received, for the many transformative experiences that you have enjoyed, and for the friendships gained along the way. Gratitude to all who have supported you during your time here – your families, teachers, advisers, mentors, and all others who have helped or cared for you in any way, including those who have worked largely behind the scenes. 

I hope your gratitude extends to prior generations of teachers and Exonians who have helped create and shape the Exeter of today, and who have thereby made your experiences at Exeter possible. In this way, I also hope you will come to appreciate your place in the history of our great school. 

While it might be hard to imagine today, in time you will have opportunities to help us consider and decide how Exeter needs to continue to evolve to be the best Exeter that we can be. Prior generations of Exonians have done this throughout the history of our school. This will be a form of non sibi born of your gratitude for your time here. 

Non sibi, humility and kindness, and gratitude – one can readily see they fit together nicely. You will aim high in life, as you have aimed high in coming here, but 

• If you are motivated by your concern for others and the world around you, 
• if you act with humility and kindness toward others, and 
• if you remain grateful to those who have helped you along the way, and to those who have opened paths that you now travel, 

then you will be well on your way to leading purposeful lives. 

Acting in this way will not diminish the challenges of our day, which are considerable and many – we know that. These qualities will not shield you from disappointment, nor guarantee success. But they will strengthen your sense of purpose, help you confront the challenges that you see, and help you lift those around you who are in need. 

You might ask: will doing these things really help me change the world that so badly needs changing? I say in return, start with the sphere of influence that you have. If you treat others with respect and gain their trust, your sphere of influence will grow. If you stay true to your principles, your sphere of influence will continue to grow, you will be asked to take on more responsibility, in time you will be asked to lead. You will have opportunities to make a positive difference in the lives of others, in ways that you cannot even begin to imagine now. 

And keep in mind, every time you change one person’s life, for that person, you have quite literally changed the world. 

In closing, I want to say I have great affection for the Class of 2025. I have enjoyed watching you have fun, find joy, thrive, and make lifelong friends. It will be exciting to see what paths you choose in life and what adventures you enjoy along the way. I hope you will return often to share your stories with your teachers and future generations of students. 

It will be deeply meaningful to your teachers and other mentors to be reminded of how they have impacted your lives during your time here. It will be equally meaningful to future generations of Exeter students to hear your stories and be inspired by your examples. 

To the Class of 2025, I wish you success in all your future endeavors. You will always be the great Class of 2025. You will always belong to each other, and you will always belong here. 

Congratulations!